Happiness Habit Notes

Defeating The Dismal Downers

We all get them from time to time: dismal, down, dragging, defeated, despondent feelings.

What causes the  Dismal Downers and what can we do to defeat or deter them?

Reduced brain activity is associated with depression.

We’ve all seen colored photograph showing differences in brain activity when people are depressed – like this from   the Mayo Clinic

A key to raising our spirits is to find ways to increase our brain activity... 

For more see the Defeating The Dismal Downers on the Happiness Blog

The Best Stimulation of all is Happiness, Fun and a Good Time. Habitually Happy people try to have a good time all of the time. Why not try it, it’s a great way to energize and light up your mood and your mind!

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Explore HappinessHabit.com for more happiness quotes. Our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors.

Crying Doesn't Make You Happier

There's a long standing myth that crying is good for you.

Crying is meant to allow you release painful emotions, nervous tensions, sadness and even grief.

Ever wonder why you don't always feel much better after crying?

A new research study shows  that crying did not make people feel better 60% of the time. It did seem to brighten research subject's reported moods 30% of the time.

So if crying doesn't help you feel better, don't feel badly. For a majority of people most of the time, it doesn't help them either.

A good, deep cry may help relieve tension in the abdomen and get us breathing better and more deeply. It may release other physical, emotional and psychic tension too.

If you feel like you need to cry, don't fight it! Let the tears flow without restraint when they need to come out.

Just don't worry or feel badly if you don't feel incredibly better or relieved afterwards. Studies show most people don't.

Crying Doesn't Make Us Happier - But not crying when we need to might make us feel even worse. So let those tears flow when they need to come out.

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Explore HappinessHabit.com for more happiness quotes. Our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors.

Antidepressants Defended

Antidepressants have been hit hard by recent studies and reports they are no more effective than sugar pill placebos. 

We covered it here eighteen months ago, featuring a cover story from Newsweek - Why Antidepressants Are No Better Than Sugar Pills.

In Defense of Antidepressants, appearing in the New York Times today, explains how many of the studies disparaging antidepressants may have been wrong.

No matter how you feel about the effectiveness of antidepressants, you may enjoy their descriptions of the problems and pitfalls of drug efficacy studies conducted by large pharmaceutical companies.

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Explore HappinessHabit.com and HappinessBlog.com for more happiness quotes. Our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors.

Affirmations - Dangerous Delusions?

Saturday Night Live’s Stuart Smalley character comes to mind whenever I hear the word Affirmations.  Silly, nonsensical, comic.

Focus On What You Want To Achieve And The Steps You Must Take To Attain It is a key Happiness Habit.

We think it is critical to focus on your goals AND what you need to do to achieve them.

Repeating Positive affirmations over and over again, saying and pretending that you have already achieved your goals is delusional and counterproductive because it does not emphasize what you actually need to do to attain them.

Positive affirmations are very much part of our “The Secret” driven culture. They do everyone a serious disservice.

If you wander around pretending you already have achieved something you have not worked for, it’s easy to get lost in lies.

To see the entire post, visit the HappinessBlog.com

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Explore HappinessHabit.com and HappinessBlog.com for more happiness quotes. Our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors.

Countering Cravings

What do you do when you get wild cravings for high calorie junk foods you are trying to avoid?

MSNBC doesn't really answer the question. Yes, sleep and exercise help but they don't reliably quell raging cravings. They are not always under our control.

The next time you succumb to temptations or cravings, and we all do, pay special attention to how you think and feel.

Does that high calorie junk food really taste all that good? Is it worth breaking your diet and feeling badly? Often after the first bit or two, it is a major disappointment.

Do you really want to trade a few moments of pseudo-satisfaction for hours of feeling cruddy and defeated and perhaps years of carrying extra pounds around?

You Still Can Stop Now - Before any major damage is done.

Immediately turn your energy and attention to something exciting and engaging. Reward yourself with something pleasant that fits into your plan like brisk walk, a cup of tea, some fruit or vegetables.  Drink a large glass of warm water.  Congratulate yourself for triumphing over temptation!

Suppose You Succumb?

You are eating something you decided not to eat, it's bad for you and your diet, it doesn't taste especially good, but you can't stop.

Don't Beat Yourself Up, that distracts and demoralizes you. Instead,

Consciously Create An Aversion - Concentrate on how badly you feel, how it doesn't taste all that good, how angry and disgusted you are, how once you started eating it, you really can't stop until it is all gone.

Remind yourself of all the horrible negatives, relive those horrors and commit them to memory.

Now the next time you are tempted or have those cravings, consciously recall those horrible memories and how badly you felt.

Fill you mind with disgust for caving into the craving. Let disgust for eating bad things drive your discipline to protect your diet and well-being. 

Periodically remind yourself how eating bad things makes you feel horrible and how it isn't worth it.

Drive Disciple With Desire  and Don't Beat Yourself Up and Healthy-Happiness provide other helpful insights.

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Explore HappinessHabit.com and HappinessBlog.com for more happiness quotes. Our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors.

O's Big Book of Happiness?

"There's nothing in it that tells you how to be happy!" a friend cried holding up a copy of Oprah Winfrey's Big Book of Happiness.

"Why It Is So Damn Hard To Change" is the title of the first chapter (very little about how to make personal changes easier) then "Think Like A Thin Person" and "But I Don't Eat That Much!"

The anthology of past articles from O Magazine includes inspiring stories about breast cancer survivors, the stories of a woman whose ex-husband killed her four children and a man falsely imprisoned for rape.

There are sections on "Dating, Mating and Relating," "Talking and Listening," words of wisdom from Dr. Phil and career advice.

But nothing we could find that actually told you how to create a happier life... That's why I didn't review it earier.

Psychiatrists Only Prescribe Pills

If you want a psychiatrist to talk to you about your psychological problems, you had better be very rich.

Otherwise you get a prescription and a terse "I'm not your therapist."

The New York Times(pdf) describes how medicating and treating patients has changed - Talk Doesn't Pay So Psychiatry Turns To Drug Therapy - it is a MUST READ for anyone concerned with mental health.

Health insurance doesn't pay for psychotherapy any more, even though talk treatments like cognitive therapy have proven to be more effective than medication in treating diseases like depression. 

Therapy is much more costly than prescribing pills.

Sadly recent reputable research shows that most antidepressants are no more effective than placebos.

Happiness and good mental health needs to be our focus, not just treating disease.

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved.  See HappinessHabit.com the HappinessBlog.com and Creating-Happiness.com. Link to our pages - our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors.

Grudges Good For Relationships?

A number of recent studies show that forgiving a partner tends to encourage their misbehavior, while staying angry and holding grudges encourages them to improve and treat us better - see: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40967831/ns/health-behavior/

How does this reconcile with our notions of Forgiveness?  And: http://www.happinesshabitnotes.com/2010/12/expanding-happiness-and-forgiveness.html

Holding on to Resentments and Grievances Is a Decision to Suffer and Make Other People Suffer - This is a good guide for dealing with our feelings and our interactions with people who have betrayed or wronged us in some way. 

The problem is, if you want people to change their behavior you have to let them know you are serious. 

If they think you are not really bothered by their misbehavior or that you forgive quickly and forget, they suffer no real consequences for treating you poorly so they may easily do it again.

People Who Don't Fight For Their Rights Generally Loose Them - Forcefully state what you will or will not accept and put people on probation to reinforce their understanding of what is truly important to you.

You will feel better knowing you stood up for what is right. This is an important component of strong self esteem and happy relationships.

Make It Very Clear You Want And Need Their Behavior To Change And Take A Strong Stand - But Don't Let It Ruin YOUR Happiness!

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved.  See HappinessHabit.com and Creating-Happiness.com for more Happiness Habits.  Link to our pages - our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors.  Photograph from Dreamstime.com

Expanding Happiness And Forgiveness

Forgiveness Means Not Letting Past Pain Determine Present Or Future Actions

Forgiveness Does Not Mean "Forget" Or Setting Yourself Up To Be Hurt Again

Forgiveness Does Not Mean Failing To Fight For What Is Right And Good

Forgiveness Provides Freedom - Freedom From Pain and Freedom of Action

To forgive easily, refuse to give the bad person or the bad situation control of your feelings. Tell yourself, "I'm not giving you the power to hurt me, make me feel bad or angry. I am not giving you control of my feelings."

A recent New York Times column on Forgiveness - http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/26/on-forgiveness/  and many excellent reader comments prompted us to expand our original Happiness Blog posting Forgiveness And Happiness.  Here's our first comment on the NYTimes column.  It's important to note that:

Forgiveness Does NOT Prevent You From Acting To Improve Situations

The key is how you feel and why you are doing it.

Are you taking action for revenge because you were wronged?  You have not forgiven - your actions result from the anger which is controlling and directing your responses.

Are you free of animosity but determined to expose wrongdoings to protect others, change a corrupt system and make the world a better place?  You have forgiven and you are determined to use your experiences to help others - these are admirable and worthwhile goals.

A classic story about a Samurai warrior who cornered the man who killed his Master illustrates this concept. Just as the Samurai raised his sword to kill the man, the assailant spat in the Samurai's face. The Samurai then dropped his sword and allowed the man to escape because it would have been a personal killing rather than an act of duty.

To forgive easily, refuse to give the bad person or the bad situation control of your feelings. Tell yourself, "I'm not giving you the power to hurt me, make me feel bad or angry. I am not giving you control of my feelings."

Resolve that you are not going to help them hurt you and don't let that happen!

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved.  See HappinessHabit.com and Creating-Happiness.com for more Happiness Habits.  Link to our pages - our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors.  Photograph from Dreamstime.com

Happy Holidays In Hard Times

Holidays can be happy even when you are experiencing personal losses and difficult times!

Here are ways to make your holidays joyous during difficult times.

(For more ideas see Holiday Happiness In Hard Times and Happiness Hints for the Holidays 2 and Happiness Hints for the Holidays 1 )

Love Expansively - Love propels happiness in all circumstances, it is especially important during difficult times.

In hard times we may forget to Love because we are so concerned about other things.  This is the time when we need Love the most - both to give Love and receive it!

The happiest people are always the most loving people: they love the people around them, they love what they do, they love their work and they love themselves.

If you have ever been to a third world country where people have little materially but great joy you know the truth of this statement.  Learn from them and do what they do.

Love is something we can grow, loving is something we can decide to do.  Wherever love is limited or lacking there is no happiness.

One of the greatest holiday gifts we can give good times or bad is simply setting a loving, positive, joyous tone that embraces all the good things and the people around us.

To be happy in good times or bad, love expansively and extensively.

Resolve to have a fun and festive Happiness Habit Holiday despite what may be happening.

Here are more Happiness Habits that can brighten your holiday:

Be Guided By Goodness -  Doing Good Helps You To Feel Good

Savor, Enjoy and Appreciate all the good things that do come into your life.

Don't Beat Yourself Up!

Avoid the Fault Finding Feel Goods and Eliminate All UnNecessary Negativity.

Rebel Against Bad Feelings - Refuse to let bad events drag you down or interfere with your holiday joy.

Expect To Enjoy Everything You Do and then Find Ways To Make What You Do Meaningful and Enjoyable.

Want even more ideas for a happy holiday? See Creating-Happiness.com

Wishing you very happy holidays,

Michele Moore and the
Happiness Habit Team